Article by Zen Habits contributor Jonathan Mead.

There’s an old Confucius saying that goes “If you chase two rabbits, you catch none.” This is especially true when forming new habits and trying to be more productive, but how many times do we do exactly the opposite?

We try to do as much as possible to grow, learn and better ourselves. We read books, blogs, and soak up all sorts of information on creating new habits. The fact is, a lot of this effort is in vain. Our attention is pulled in so many directions, that our energy is spread too thin.

It doesn’t help much that our lives have become increasingly complex. We have more ways to communicate than ever before: face-to-face, phone, email, instant messaging, twitter, blogging, etc. We have more tools to get work done, but our energy is diminished after being pulled in a million directions.

If we know that we need to focus, why don’t we use what we already know? If we supposedly know how to change, why don’t we change? If we know what’s wrong, why don’t we fix it?

I think the answer to this question is a little more complex than what can be looked at in a simple blog post. But in short, I think the answer is a matter of energy. It’s not a lack of confidence, but the lack of ability to make a serious commitment. Commitment isn’t just thinking about really wanting something. It’s not just reading something on a few different blogs and thinking “oh yeah, I’ve read that a few times, I know.” Reading or seeing something isn’t enough. You have to put your energy behind it enough to be able to move from point a to point z. If you’re trying to hit points c, s, q, y and t (which might represent other goals you have) you’ll get distracted. You lose focus and your energy fizzles.

If changing your habits and your life means only focusing on one thing at a time, how do you defend yourself from productivity ADD? Here are 10 tools to help you:

1. Deep focus instead of multi-tasking. We often kid ourselves thinking that we’re getting more done by multi-tasking, but we often end up just spending a lot of time spinning our wheels. Try to focus on one thing deeply, instead of spreading your attention across multiple tasks.
2. Wraps up tasks that are easily completed. Most of the time I’m having trouble staying focused is because there a bunch of little things on my mind that I know I need to do. Write down everything that can be completed in less than 10 minutes and finish everything on the list before you start on a project that requires more focus. This doesn’t mean that every time something comes up that would take less than ten minutes to do, you do it. You simply batch everything together that requires ten minutes of time or less.
3. Stay in the now. As much as you can, practice focusing your attention on the present moment. Constantly move your attention back to now. If you have trouble with this, you might want to get this watch.
4. Respond, don’t react. Our tendency to react to what seems “urgent” hurts us in the long run. I would rather write an amazing book in a year, sacrificing things like replying to email and having a super clean house. Block out time in your day for the things that are really important.
5. Feng shui your workspace. What’s the most important thing to you? What are you really passionate about? For me, this is writing and music. I feng shui my work area to speak those things. I have writing books on my shelves, I have musical instruments around me. I have a cork board that has my writing goals and inspirational quotes about writing that speak to me. Having these “attention reinforcements” helps you to stay focused on what is most important to you.
6. Give yourself a meaningful purpose. You’ll have a hard time staying focused if you feel the work you’re doing isn’t meaningful. If you’re having trouble staying focused at a job you’re not passionate about, it’s likely because you have no interest in the work you’re doing. There’s no motivation for you other than a paycheck. Find a career that has meaning and gives you a sense of purpose and your motivation and focus will naturally increase.
7. Distinguish between urgent and important. We often spend most of our time doing things that seem important, but really aren’t. They are just urgent. This doesn’t really make sense, because it would seem things that are important, should be urgent, right? If you want to do meaningful things, if you want to accomplish things that will have a long-term impact, focus on the important.
8. Visual how you want your day to evolve. If you don’t really know exactly how you want your day to go, how can you expect it to go the way you want it to? In order to combat random events and unknowns keeping you from doing what’s important, take time to visualize how you want your day to go. Pay attention when you visualize certain things to how they make you feel. Use positive visualization to control how you will react when certain events come up that detract you from keeping focused.
9. Practice single pointed focus. It’s hard to imagine staying focused when there are so many possibilities of things you could be doing. Sometimes priorities aren’t enough to keep you motivated, it’s just a matter of flexing your focusing muscles. Here’s a good meditation to get you started on flexing your single minded muscles: Close your eyes and imagine that you are sitting alone in a chair in a room (it doesn’t really matter where). Now imagine there’s an apple on the table in front of you. Try taking bites of that apple in your mind, and focusing on the taste and sensations of the apple. Look at how the different bites are taken out one at a time. Practicing this and other types of meditations will greatly enhance your ability to focus on one thing for long durations of time.
10. Practice mindfulness. This seems so simple, but it’s often the most difficult thing to do. How often when you’re eating, are you thinking about all sorts of different things, other than your food? How often when you you’re spending time with a friend, is your mind wandering on other things? You can’t expect to be focused if you’re not paying attention to what is going on around you. The next time you wash your hands, focus on the feeling of the water and the sensation of the towel when drying your hands. When you’re eating, focus on the taste and texture of the food in your mouth. You can’t expect to be focused in your work, if you constantly lack focus in every other area of your life. Practice focus in the normal everyday things you do, and it will start spilling over in to your work.

This article was written by Zen Habits contributor Jonathan Mead of the Illuminated Mind blog. For more ways to defend yourself from productive ADD, grab a subscription to Illuminated MInd.

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With cooler temperatures here, it’s time to take a look at your outdoor lighting. Standard Compact Flourescent Lightbulbs (CFLs) don’t work well in the cold. So if you’re looking for an energy-wise bulb to fit your porch or an unheated garage, you’ll need one rated for cold-weather use. They’re more expensive than regular bulbs, but will save many times their purchase price over their expected lifetime.

The New York Times ran a story today that says the next consumer crisis is credit cards — a sobering fact in a nation that has racked up massive amounts of credit card debt.

Unfortunately, when times get hard, many people turn to credit cards to help them make ends meet … and only dig themselves into a deeper hole.

I’ve been through this myself, buying things on credit when I had no other way to pay for them. I’m not talking about plasma TVs, but about necessities like medical bills. As a result, I dug myself deep into debt, and one of the biggest decisions of my life was to get rid of credit cards and begin eliminating my debt.

At the beginning of this year, I finally got completely out of debt, and I celebrated. But it wasn’t easy. It took some hard decisions, some sacrifices, and a commitment to change my spending habits.

I highly recommend that people get out of debt and stay out of debt, especially as the economy hits difficult times. It’s not a good position to be in if you lose your job while burdened with lots of debt. Better: become debt-free, with a good emergency fund and a small budget. That’s recession-proof personal finances.

Here’s how to get there in six steps:

1. Curtail spending. The first step is to stop the bleeding. If you’re trying to get out of a hole, you’ve got to stop digging first. So make the decision right now to not use your credit card except in emergencies. Cut back on your spending in any way you can, at least for now as you try to get out of debt. Consider tracking your spending for a week or two at least, writing down every purchase, so that you can see where your money is going. Some suggestions for cutting back: eating out, going out, magazines, expensive coffees or other drinks and snacks, new gadgets, non-essential clothing purchases, non-essential furniture or home purchases, to name a few. Now, I’m not suggesting that you never eat out or go out to have fun — but I am suggesting that you cut back on these types of spending. Find other ways to have fun that don’t cost as much.

2. Save an emergency fund. With the money you save from Step 1, begin saving an emergency fund as quickly as possible. Let’s say you identify $200 per paycheck that you can save from cutting back on specific spending items (as an example — your amount will vary). Now put that $200 into a savings fund each paycheck, and within 5 paychecks you’ll have a $1,000 emergency fund saved up. This is extremely important, as there will always be unexpected emergencies that come up (you have to go to the hospital, you car breaks down, you home floods, etc.) and many people will use credit cards to pay for these expenses when they don’t have an emergency fund. If you have an emergency fund, you can avoid going deeper into the hole when these expenses inevitably come up.

3. Make debt elimination a priority. Once you have a small emergency fund saved up ($1,000 is best to start with, but you can get by with as little as a $500 fund), begin channeling your extra money toward debt repayment. Make this a top priority, or you won’t get to it. That means make it your first payment each payday: set up an automatic payment at your bank where you automatically pay an extra amount to your highest-interest debt. Pay the minimum on your other debts for now, and once you pay off the highest-interest debt, put all your extra money to your next highest-interest debt … and so on, until all debts are paid off. An alternative is to pay your smallest debt first, then focus on the next biggest debt, and so on.

4. Scale back your lifestyle. While Step 1 asked you to find ways to cut back on spending immediately, there are longer-term changes you can make that will have a big impact on your spending. For example, you could trade in your large car or SUV for a smaller, less-expensive car that gets better gas mileage. You can eventually move to a smaller home and get rid of a lot of the clutter in your house that requires a lot of space. You can work at cooking at home more instead of eating out, brown-bagging it to work instead of having expensive lunches, making your clothes last longer instead of buying new clothes all the time, and deciding you don’t really need the latest computer, TV, video game system, or smart phone — the ones you have work well enough already. These changes may take time, but a commitment to scaling back can pay huge dividends over time.

5. Make sacrifices and buy on cash. This is an extremely important habit that may become the keystone to this entire plan. While many people buy on impulse and put purchases on credit cards so they can have it now, that’s rarely necessary. Rarely do you really need to make a purchase right away. A much better habit is to save up until you have enough money to buy the item on cash. Get into the habit of waiting. Sure, maybe you need new shoes, but can you wait until you have the $50 to buy them? Yes, you can. Sure, maybe you need a new computer, but can you save up the $1,000 you need for it? It’s possible. It’s even possible to make your current car last longer and save up enough to buy your next car on cash — I did this with my last car purchase (actually it was a slightly used mini-van), trading in my SUV and paying the balance on cash. The key is to wait, save up, and buy on cash.

6. Make a commitment to stay away from credit. Getting into some debt may be unavoidable — student loans, for example, or housing loans are usually seen as good debt, especially at low interest rates. Even auto loans aren’t necessarily bad debt, although as I said above, it’s possible to save up enough money to buy a decent used car on cash so you can avoid getting into that debt. But credit card debt is rarely ever desirable, for the average person. I’m not saying you should never use credit cards — obviously they are convenient for online purchases or traveling, although for these purposes you could use a debit card that’s backed by a major credit card company in most cases (I have). But my advice is to just have one credit card (cancel all the rest) and to keep the balance at $0. Only use it when you actually have the money in the bank, and then pay it off immediately. Don’t use your credit card when you don’t have the money — that will just lead to trouble. Make a commitment to doing this, and you’ll avoid credit problems and be in good shape, whether a recession hits or not.
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Is it holiday time yet? Walking around the mall today (and with a chill in the Florida air this week), it almost felt like it should be late November/December. Even though Halloween isn’t until Friday, holiday lights are starting to pop up and my daughters’ eyes are tuned into the sights and sounds of the season. One thing I know many people are starting to organize are holiday cards, often a major part of the year-end tradition of sending good wishes and words of joy and love.

One new line of card I was recently turned on to is Paper Shouts - with their funky name and equally unique “shout” cards for virtually every occasion, I was immediately hooked! Paper Shouts cards come in modern, traditional and vintage styles, and for someone like me who is a total stationary addict, this is a new favorite place to browse.  They’ve also announced that all designer shouts are from now on to be printed on 100% PCW recycled, heavyweight (110#), uncoated paper and are shipped with 50% recycled envelopes (30% PCW/20% VF)! Good move, I say! Plus, from now through November 5th, all proceeds from their Holiday Shouts line will go directly to Our City Forest (OCF), an urban forest renewal/education organization created to cultivate community through urban tree planting.

This week, Paper Shouts wants you to start your holiday planning early with an awesome giveaway! They’re offering a $50 gift card toward any Paper Shouts product - whether it be for holiday time, a new baby or your daughter’s Sweet 16. The rules go like this - please leave a comment here with an answer to this question - what Paper Shouts “Holiday Shout” would you love to send to your loved ones this holiday season? Choose from Christmas, Chanukah, Feliz Navidad and Holiday party cards, many of them with room for a lovely pic of your family offering friends and family good cheer this year. This contest will be open from now through next Wednesday, November 5th at midnight PST, so get shouting!

Additionally, Paper Shouts is offering 10% off your order! Please use the coupon “teensygreen” at checkout!

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Ruby of the Ruby’s Life blog.

In 1999, I was stocking frozen food at a San Francisco Health Food Store and chatting with my friend Dan Moore, a painter and bicycle messenger (and now square dance enthusiast!). I was bemoaning my lack of success with writing and dance. There in the freezer aisle, in our padded gloves and box knives he gave me a little lecture.

“If you want to be good at something, you have to to be obsessive. You have to do the thing all the time, and when you’re not doing it, you have to be thinking about doing it. Why do you think business people who make millions are so good at it? They’re always doing business. Even when they’re not working, they’re thinking about better ways to do business. Same with the greatest writers and painters. They obsess all the time. Ruby, if you want to be good at writing, you need to be obsessive about it.”

In 2005, I picked up a copy of “The Best American Science and Nature Writing” and read an article about James Dewey Watson*, (you know, the Watson of Watson and Crick, the one who discovered the structure of DNA?) that harked back to Dan’s words and cemented what he said.

To paraphrase a little, Watson, at the ripe old age of 74 (this is in 2004) gives a couple of speeches a month, usually for the sum off $25,000. Sharing a lecture agent with Bill Clinton means he can be as preferential as he wants in his engagements. What I love the most is the unapologetic and balls-out title of his speech:

“Why I Deserved to Discover the Structure of DNA”

He gives five reasons, or criteria, which I think could be anyone’s criteria for greatness:

1. Go for broke- If you are going to do important science, do it.
2. Have a way to get the answer - If you haven’t a clue, you’re going to waste time.
3. Be obsessive - He not only knew DNA was important, but it was all he could think about night and day. “Did you see Jeff Goldblum play me in the BBC film? Crick didn’t get cast right; he didn’t come across in any way as obsessive, whereas I did. It was DNA or nothing for me.”
4. Be part of a team - Working with Crick, he had a partner to bounce ideas off and a pal to support him.
5. Talk to your opponents - A lot of scientists are afraid to share their ideas. But by cooperating with Maurice Wilkins, a scientist at a rival lab in London, Watson and Crick learned of experimental evidence that enabled them to clinch their discovery. The person who actually took the pioneering photograph, Rosalind Franklin, never shared her research, and died before the 1062 Nobel Prize was awarded to the three men. “Generally it pays to talk,” says Watson. Oh… and, another rule:
6. Never be the brightest person on the room; then you can’t learn anything.

Let that sink in for a minute…

Did you get all that? If not, go back and read it again and then go do something great.

Seriously. No truer words were spoken.

But as I re-read Watson’s advice, I think about my goals and obsessions. As of late, particularly in our current political/ecological/financial/intellectual climate, I wonder if the thing that has gripped me the most consistently for the last seven years (Blues and Swing Dance) is really the most important thing to focus my time and energy on. It’s certainly the thing that I obsess about the most.

But when I really think about it, I also feel a sense of re-assurance about my choices. In 1999, I knew I really liked dance and performance, but I didn’t know what I was going to do with it. It’s 2008 and I’m contemplating how to schedule in another teaching tour in the UK. Yesterday, a student wrote to thank my partner and I for our instruction last time we were there. They just won the UK Blues Championships and are convinced that they wouldn’t have gotten there without us.

I guess my point is… if something keeps coming back to you, even if you think you’re doing what you “should do,” pay attention to your obsessions. They just might make a difference.

*Jennet Conant, “The New Celebrity”, (from Seed Magazine) The Best American Science and Nature Writing 2004, pp. 38-44

Ruby is a writer, dancer, bodyworker, and indie-rock/blues lover. Read more from her at her blog, Ruby’s Life.

I’ve been debating how to blog about my daughter’s sixth birthday party, which was on Sunday afternoon at a local arts and crafts studio. After a lot of planning, a little more worrying and A TON of late RSVPs, my older daughter had a wonderful celebration doing her favorite things - painting, crafting, etc. - with her little sister and 28 closest friends. Yes, you heard me. Making it as green as possible was a lot harder than I thought it would be. So, this week and next, I’m going to explore some choices made about what worked, what didn’t, and what can be improved for the future.

I’m feeling a little backwards this week, so let’s start with the party favors. I hate when my girls get candy after birthday parties - after all the cake and junk they’ve eaten, bringing home more just seems like a cruel joke (for me, thank you). Plus, favor bags are usually plastic, which is a huge no-no for me as well. Cost is an issue, of course, and after having kids bring home their own crafts, I didn’t want to overdo it. So, I went the natural route with this adorable pail of flowers from Toysmith. It’s a self-contained planting kit, complete with seeds and peat to rehydrate and use as soil in the little bucket. It comes in different colors with different flowers, so there was some variety to the favoring. Meaning, the red pails were for the boys, and the girls could trade the yellow and purple ones if they wanted to.

I thought the favor worked out very well. There was no waste to throw out aside from the flower pail paper-wrap and a little plastic baggie inside (hey, I’m not perfect). The kids now have something growing at home, which always makes for fun talks about nature and flowers. And my “I can’t believe she’s six” year old daughter was so excited to give them out to her friends - and they were psyched to go home and do something else besides bounce off the walls from more sugar!

Pail of Posies found at Oompa Toys

“If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “thank you,” that would suffice.” - Meister Eckhart

It’s amazing how one simple, easy, positive action can change so much in a person’s life.

One of the things that has had the biggest effect on my life is the realization of the power of gratitude. Simply giving thanks.

It has affected everything. It has made me a more positive person. A more productive person. A better achiever. A better husband and father and son and brother (at least, I like to think so). A happier person. I’m not perfect, but gratitude has made me better.

Can it change your life as well? I can guarantee it. You might not get the exact same benefits as I have, but there’s no doubt in my mind that the simple act of gratitude on a regular basis will change anyone’s life, positively and immediately. How many other changes can claim to be that quick, that easy, and that profound?

Let’s take a look at some of the ways you can incorporate gratitude into your life, and how it will change your life. These are just some examples, based on my experience and the experiences of others I’ve talked with, and not all will apply to your life. But pick and choose the ones you think will work for you.

1. Have a morning gratitude session. Take one minute in the morning (make it a daily ritual) to think of the people who have done something nice for you, to think of all the things in your life you’re grateful for. You won’t get to everything in one minute, but it’s enough. And it will instantly make your day better, and help you start your day off right. Can you think of a better use of one minute?

2. When you’re having a hard day … make a gratitude list. We all have those bad days sometimes. We are stressed out from work. We get yelled at by someone. We lose a loved one. We hurt a loved one. We lose a contract or do poorly on a project. One of the things that can make a bad day much better is making a list of all the things you’re thankful for. There are always things to be thankful for — loved ones, health, having a job, having a roof over your head and clothes on your back, life itself.

3. Instead of getting mad at someone, show gratitude. That’s a major switching of attitudes — actually a complete flip. And so this isn’t always easy to do. But I can promise you that it’s a great thing to do. If you get mad at your co-worker, for example, because of something he or she did … bite your tongue and don’t react in anger. Instead, take some deep breaths, calm down, and try to think of reasons you’re grateful for that person. Has that person done anything nice for you? Has that person ever done a good job? Find something, anything, even if it’s difficult. Focus on those things that make you grateful. It will slowly change your mood. And if you get in a good enough mood, show your gratitude to that person. It will improve your mood, your relationship, and help make things better. After showing gratitude, you can ask for a favor — can he please refrain from shredding your important documents in the future? And in the context of your gratitude, such a favor isn’t such a hard thing for the co-worker to grant.

4. Instead of criticising your significant other, show gratitude. This is basically the same as the above tactic, but I wanted to point out how gratitude can transform a marriage or relationship. If you constantly criticize your spouse, your marriage will slowly deteriorate — I promise you. It’s important to be able to talk out problems, but no one likes to be criticized all the time. Instead, when you find yourself feeling the urge to criticize, stop and take a deep breath. Calm down, and think about all the reasons you’re grateful for your spouse. Then share that gratitude, as soon as possible. Your relationship will become stronger. Your spouse will learn from your example — especially if you do this all the time. Your love will grow, and all will be right in the world.

5. Instead of complaining about your kids, be grateful for them. Many parents (myself included) get frustrated with their children. They are too slow to do things, they have a bad attitude, they can’t clean up after themselves, and they pick their nose too much. Unfortunately, sometimes parents will communicate that frustration to their children too often, and the kids will begin to feel bad about themselves. Many parents have done this, and while it’s not perfect, it’s a part of parenthood. But there’s a better way: follow the method above of calming down when you’re frustrated, and thinking of reasons you’re grateful to your child. Share these reasons with your child. And then take the opportunity to teach them, instead of criticizing them.

6. When you face a major challenge, be grateful for it. Many people will see something difficult as a bad thing. If something goes wrong, it’s a reason to complain, it’s a time of self-pity. That won’t get you anywhere. Instead, learn to be grateful for the challenge — it’s an opportunity to grow, to learn, to get better at something. This will transform you from a complainer into a positive person who only continues to improve. People will like you better and you’ll improve your career. Not too shabby.

7. When you suffer a tragedy, be grateful for the life you still have. I’ve recently lost an aunt, and my children recently lost a grandmother. These tragedies can be crippling if you let them overcome you. And while I’m not saying you shouldn’t grieve — of course you should — you can also take away something even greater from these tragedies: gratitude for the life you still have. Appreciation for the fleeting beauty of life itself. Love for the people who are still in your life. Take this opportunity to show appreciation to these people, and to enjoy life while you can.

8. Instead of looking at what you don’t have, look at what you do have. Have you ever looked around you and bemoaned how little you have? How the place you live isn’t your dream house, or the car you drive isn’t as nice as you’d like, or your peers have cooler gadgets or better jobs? If so, that’s an opportunity to be grateful for what you already have. It’s easy to forget that there are billions of people worse off than you — who don’t have much in the way of shelter or clothes, who don’t own a car and never will, who don’t own a gadget or even know what one is, who don’t have a job at all or only have very menial, miserable jobs in sweatshop conditions. Compare your life to these people’s lives, and be grateful for the life you have. And realize that it’s already more than enough, that happiness is not a destination — it’s already here.

“Everyday, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can.” - Dalai Lama

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So we have this really cool flower in our front garden. It grows on a vine and is really cool looking. I’ve never seen this type of flower before, and didn’t know what it was. Finally, a close friend of ours told us exactly what it was: A Passiflora. It is by far my favorite flower. Now, all I need to do is count its petals to find out if it fits in the Fibonacci sequence!

From Wikipedia (I can’t really say it any better):

Maypop (Passiflora incarnata), also known as Purple passionflower, is a fast growing perennial vine with climbing or trailing stems. A member of the passionflower genus Passiflora, the Maypop has large, intricate flowers with prominent styles and stamens. One of the hardiest species of passionflower, it is a common wildflower in the southern United States.

The stems can be smooth or pubescent; they are long and trailing, possessing many tendrils. Leaves are alternate and palmately 3-lobed, measuring from 6-15 cm. They have two characteristic glands at the base of the blade on the petiole. Flowers have five bluish-white petals. They exhibit a white and purple corona, a structure of fine appendages between the petals and corolla. The large flower is typically arranged in a ring above the petals and sepals. They are pollinated by insects such as bumblebees, and are self-sterile.

The fleshy fruit, also in itself called a Maypop, is an oval yellowish berry about the size of a hen egg; it is green at first, but then becomes orange as it matures. In this species, the yellow mucilage around the seeds of the fruit is sweet and edible, however it is quite seedy and mostly benefits wildlife. As with other passifloras, it is the larval food of a number of butterfly species.

Traditionally, the fresh or dried whole plant has been used as a herbal medicine to treat nervous anxiety and insomnia. The dried, ground herb is frequently used in Europe by drinking a teaspoon of it in tea. A sedative chewing gum has even been produced.
The Maypop occurs in thickets, disturbed areas, unmowed pastures, roadsides, and railroads. It thrives in areas with lots of available sunlight. It is not found in areas of growing forest, however, as the sun is blotted out by growing trees.

Other common names include Wild apricot and May apple.

Article by Zen Habits contributor Jonathan Mead.

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying before “do what you love and the money will follow.” It’s a very cliched and abused axiom. Sometimes the money does follow when you do what you love. Sometimes the magic works. But most of the time, it does not.

When translated into reality, the old saying usually turns into “do what you love and find a way to make it popular and the money follows.” Or “sell your soul and the money follows.”

On the other side of the problem is that if you’re going to make a living doing what you love, you have to find a way to market yourself. Things that are catchy, marketable, and popular are often out of alignment with what you really want to do.

Let’s take the example of the musician. Say his name is Joe. Now, Joe wants to make a living off of his music. Luckily, Joe was born with a lot of creative talent, so he doesn’t have to work very hard at that. But he wasn’t born with the technical ability to play guitar. So, he has to learn how to play. He works hard. He practices scales, fingering, melody and rhythm. He knows that he’s not going to magically wake up one day and be gifted with the amazing ability to play Beethoven’s fifth. That’s why he practices 4 hours a day. He’s dedicated.

After a few years, Joe becomes a pretty incredible musician. He has a full album of songs ready to record. The only problem is Joe sees that his type of music isn’t the type of music that’s played on the radio. Far from it actually. He’s conflicted. So what does he do? He wants to make a living playing music, but he doesn’t want to compromise his integrity by writing songs that he knows will sell. He puts that thought on hold for a while and focuses on finding gigs. Since he’s worked so hard, he picks them up pretty easily. His music is starting to catch on and he’s building a modest following. But that question keeps egging him. If he wants to quit his day job and pursue music full time, he’s going to have to confront that aching question: to sell or not to sell? Should he go for the safe bet and aim for popularity, or should he stay true to himself and preserve his soul?

This is the question that every creative individual has had to face at some point or another. I’ve had to face this question many times and the truth is, it’s not easy. Remaining authentic while trying to market yourself is a tricky business. It doesn’t help that the type of marketing we see day in and day out on television, radio and print is usually downright sleazy or questionable, at best.

So is there such a thing as authentic marketing? Because we all know, your business isn’t going to sell itself. Even if you’re not in business for yourself, and you just want to actually enjoy what you do for a living, you have to find a way to market yourself. Is it possible to scrub out all the mental dirtiness marketing conjures up, and find a way to make it clean? Or at least authentic? I think so. And I’ll tell you how.

First of all, you have to drop the preconceived idea that selling yourself is evil. In a perfect world, you would create a product or service (whether that be being a musician, or otherwise) and it would sell itself. Customers would flock in and you would be scrambling to try to serve them all. In reality, this is far from the truth.

In the real world you have to give people a reason why they want what you have to offer. The art of marketing is effectively communicating in an interesting way, the reason they need what you have. Maybe you’re an authority if your field; maybe you’ve painstakingly studied your area of expertise. Maybe you know something “they” don’t, but need to know to solve their problem.  There are a lot of sleazy ways you can do this (special offer ends in 30 minutes for the first 7 inquiries, call now!) but there are also a lot of ways to do this that aren’t gimmicky and don’t make you feel like you’re selling yourself out to make a buck.

What I’ve come to realize, is by focusing on providing value to others, most of the marketing aspect takes care of itself. When you get too sucked into the marketing side of things, you end up becoming so focused on how to make something popular that the value suffers. In the same way, if you focus too much on the value side, you’ll lack having a clear plan of communicating that value to others (which is really all marketing is). You don’t have to kill your dreams.

If you can focus on providing massive value to other people and figure out an engaging way to communicate that value, everything else will take care of itself. You’ll still have to work hard, but you won’t have to worry about sacrificing your authenticity. And you won’t have to worry about selling your soul to do what you love.

I’ve learned that helping others (providing value) and increasing my knowledge and kills (increasing the ability to provide value) is the key to success.

In the spirit of this post by Leo, I’d like to end this with an offer. How can I help you? Drop me a line on the contact form on my blog, or respond in the comments.

This article was written by Zen Habits contributor Jonathan Mead of the Illuminated Mind blog. For more ways to make a living, not a dying, grab a subscription to Illuminated MInd.

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Mark Twain once famously apologized for not having having time to write a shorter letter, “so I wrote a long one instead.”

Twain knew that it takes work to edit, to whittle a letter or a story down to its essentials.

And that applies to much more than just writing: take the time to pare whatever you do down to the essentials, and you’ll be left with something so much more amazing.

Designers know that you should remove extraneous elements to leave only those that are necessary. Steve Jobs knows this and has used it to sell a one-button iPod. The best bloggers focus on high-impact posts, rather than flooding readers with too much information.

How can you use the concept of “paring it down” to make yourself more effective?

A few things to consider when paring it down:

• Spend a few minutes thinking about what is really essential. What is it that you really want above all else? What is it about your product or service that the customer really wants? What is it you are really trying to communicate? If you had to pick one thing about whatever you’re doing, what would it be?
• Be bold. Don’t be afraid to throw stuff out. You can always add stuff back in later — remember that less is better as long as you’re leaving in the essentials.
• What is blocking the essentials? Sometimes the awesome in something is being blocked by other things — can you remove those things to show the awesome and let it shine? Remove the noise to let the music be heard.
• Come back to it. Sometimes you can’t see the extraneous the first time you start paring down. So do your best, and then come back later and try again. You might be able to pare down even more this time. Keep coming back as long as you can — the more you pare, the better in most cases.

It’s possible to pare down too much — you might be left with too little — but I think in most cases this never happens. People usually pare down too little.

What are some ways that “paring it down” can be used in your life? Just some examples:

• If you’re a blogger, pare down a post until you’re left with just an amazing message, and none of the noise. Also consider posting less (if you post a lot) and only posting the amazing stuff that your readers love.
• If you’re a marketer, consider your single most important selling point. Then pare down your marketing efforts to focus on that, and let it shine.
• When writing emails, before pressing “send”, think about whether you can pare the message down to less.
• When looking at your schedule, see if you can pare it down to just a few essential things a day.
• If you manage an office, consider whether all the activities of an office are necessary. Are your employees made to do things that get in the way of their important tasks? Is there unnecessary paperwork or bureaucratic steps that can be reduced?
• If you make software, can you offer fewer features to keep the software lean? Can you pare down the interface to make it simpler and more appealing and easier to use?
• If you sell stuff, can you make it easier for your customer to buy things? Pare down the steps they need to take to buy something from your website. (Related rant: I hate having to go through a large amount of screens to buy something! Why does it have to be so hard?)
• Can you pare down the stuff in your home to have a more minimalist look?
• Can you pare down the distractions in your work environment so you can focus more?
• If you’re a photographer, can you pare down the things in the photo so you’re left with a cleaner image?

You get the idea. “Paring it down” can be applied to anything you do.

It’s offcially baby season! I have so many friends having babies from now through the spring, I’ve toyed with the idea of doing a “babies only” eco-site to keep up with all the products I’ve been researching! For now, I thought I’d kick off celebrating all the new bundles of joy with a great giveaway from a hot eco-friendly company.

The husband and wife team behind the super-stylish company Itzy Ritzy wants to bring a bit of celebrity to you and your baby! Their “baby bamboo” fabric is incorporated into many of their products, giving softness and eco-loveliness to blankets, car seat covers, highchair covers, nursing covers and burp cloths. Bamboo is naturally anti-bacterial, deodorizing, with a silky feel that’s indulgent yet practical (meaning, machine washable). One thing I love about Itzy Ritzy is their amazing array of fabric choices, so I can send gifts to friends who have all kinds of style preferences. From girly to rocker to traditional, there’s seriously something for everyone here.

This week, Itzy Ritzy wants you to win their beautiful Ritzy Nurser in Vintage Floral and Baby Bamboo fabric! How much do I wish these were around when my daughters were born? These nursers are not your big t-shirts thrown over your shoulder. It also makes a great shade cover for baby carriers as well. To enter, please leave a comment here with an answer to this - which Itzy Ritzy product would you give to your best friend, family member (or yourself) during baby season? Find your favorite and let me know! This contest will be open until midnight, PST on Wednesday, October 29th. Good luck!

PS - Itzy Ritzy is also offering 20% off your order! Please enter the code GREEN when asked during checkout.

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Corey of The Simple Marriage Project.

Throughout my career as a marriage coach and a marriage and family therapist, the number one issue voiced by most couples is “we have trouble communicating.” It’s a common complaint. And many couples think they would benefit from communication training.

Many seem to think if they could better express themselves or if their spouse would only listen and understand what they mean then things in the marriage would dramatically improve. “Maybe if I learned to be more assertive and use more ‘I’ statements we’d have less problems.” While the thought may be genuine and the results of actually implementing some of these techniques may improve the marriage a bit, in my experience the improvements won’t be lasting.

When you get right down to it, communication in marriage is not about being understood by each other, communication is about handling what another person thinks and feels. You see, married couples don’t have trouble communicating. They communicate all too well.

In a committed relationship, you can not not communicate (pardon the double negative).

Communication problems happen because you don’t like what the other person has to say. For instance, you may want your spouse to be more emotionally open and share their feelings, but you interrupt them when they say things you find unpleasant or disagree with (in your view, you may just want to keep the conversation “accurate”). You want a more expressive spouse, but want to control what they express.

Even if you are not talking to each other, you’re still communicating. You each know you don’t want to hear what the other has to say.

Communication break downs occur because you don’t like what the other person is saying, or not saying, not because you can’t communicate. Communicating in marriage is all about being able to handle the message.

When two people are able to handle the message, honesty increases. And when honesty in a relationship increases, you grow more as an individual and closer together. Through this growth you are capable of reaching new levels of passion and intimacy.

So in an effort to grow closer to you loyal Zen Habits readers, I’ll be honest. I’m writing this guest post in the hopes that Simple Marriage’s message will spread and more people will discover ways to get more out of marriage and life. I also hope you’ll benefit from this post and the passion level in your relationships and life will increase… I feel closer to you already.

But being honest with you is not the same as being honest with a spouse. It’s more and more difficult to be honest in each relationship up the hierarchy of importance. As the importance of the person increases, often the level of deep honesty decreases. Largely because their reactions to what you truly think mean more to you and involve more risk.

So my wife calls me up and asks how my morning was. I respond with “good, just writing away.” When in reality, I wasted the entire morning reading other blogs and searching for the latest gadget that will change my life forever. I don’t want to admit to her that I’m lazy. That means I’m admitting it to myself as well.

Or you’re sitting on the beach with your spouse as an attractive member of the opposite sex walks by. At that moment your spouse asks you what you’re thinking, do you tell them?

Being honest brings about growth in yourself and your spouse. If your thoughts are totally inappropriate in the beach scenario, you probably don’t share them with your spouse. But what does your honesty, or lack of honesty, say about you?

So how do you increase the honesty in marriage?

1. Speak up. By speaking up I’m not saying that you remove the filter between your brain and mouth, but speak up more. How often do you avoid replying or bringing something up out of fear of your partner’s reaction? There are times when you need to speak up in order to help your marriage and each other grow.

Many couples fall victim to thinking “if my spouse really cared about me, they’d be able to figure out what I’m feeling or thinking.” What part of your vows stated you’d read each other’s minds for as long as you both shall live? I’m guessing that wasn’t part of the ceremony.

Stop sitting back waiting for your spouse to pick up on the fact that you’re frustrated, pissed, hurt, or lonely and speak up. Two things will happen. One, you will grow up a bit more because you’ve taken charge of your thoughts and emotions and two, your partner will grow up because you’re treating them like an adult who’s capable of handling your thoughts and emotions.

2. Make the obvious, obvious. If you’ve had a stressful day at work, when you come home you know it’s likely to be stressful there as well, right? So rather than letting the elephant in the room (the stress level in your life) walk around freely, point it out before you and your spouse get in to it.

A simple “hey honey, good to see you, (kiss), I’d like about 5 minutes to decompress from my day before I hear about your day, alright?”

Another way to make the obvious obvious is when the discussion starts to get heated, point it out. When you raise your voice in a conversation, it’s no longer about what’s best for all the people involved, it’s about your power and your pride.

3. Grow up. Many people go kicking and screaming into adulthood. I was one of them. I wanted things my way! Still do at times. I used to think that life was all about me. And problems occurred when other people didn’t know this.

Marriage grows you up. Living with another person forces you to grow up. And just when it seems your spouse is done growing you up, your kids take over. That’s a simple fact of marriage.

Recognize this and harness the energy it creates. Rather than seeing your spouse as someone who doesn’t get you, see them as someone who may want more from you. They may be looking for an erotic lover, a passionate friend, a warrior, a true supporter, or simply a partner in life’s adventure.

Read more from Corey at The Simple Marriage Project (or subscribe to his feed).

I’ve just published a fantastic interview with author Timothy Ferriss of the phenomenal best-seller, The 4-Hour Workweek, on my other blog, Write To Done:

Publishing 2.0: Tim Ferriss on Using a Viral Idea to Create a Best-seller

It’s a fascinating look at the author and the book that have changed the publishing world. Seriously, Tim has helped redefine book marketing to include the power of blogs and viral ideas (along with people like Seth Godin and others), and book publishers everywhere have taken notice.

I hope you enjoy the interview! If you do, I’d appreciate it if you share the post in delicious, Stumbleupon or Digg.

For almost a week now, I’ve been under the weather — bed-ridden by a virus and a high fever. And for those of you who know how much I love to run and to write, you’ll know how much this has been killing me. :)

I’m feeling a lot better now, but I’ve a lot of catching up to do, so I’m going to ask for your help today … provide my content for me for a day! You can do this with one of my favorite features, “Ask the Readers” … always a fascinating discussion.

Today I’m interested in hearing from you:

What are your biggest time consumers each day?

This could include online reading, email, phone calls, meetings, paperwork, errands, IM, online forums, hobbies, writing, exercise, eating, time with your spouse, chores, etc. What takes up most of your time? Maybe list 2-3 things. Share in the comments!